Thought #1: Today is 9/11 and I have been worried about Tom all day. I know it happened 7 years ago and all...but I still worry about his safety since he works right in Manhattan. At least he works right by the temple. That's where I would go for safety. But, I'm sure since nothing has happened on the past 6 9/11's that today will hopefully be no different...
Thought #2: On Sunday in Relief Society they started something new. Each of us had to pick a name out of a basket and that week we were supposed to call and talk to them, take them out, send a note...just something to get to know them better. Well, this 60 year old woman got my name. She called me today, which was very nice of her (I didn't actually call my person...bad Sarah...especially since I got the RS president)...anyway, she calls and starts talking to me about none other than pregnancy. She wasn't so much asking me questions about it...she was just saying "Oh that would be hard to work and be pregnant" or "When I was pregnant...." kind of stories. The woman still thinks I'm pregnant and I could not bare to say otherwise!!!!! I know I need to tell people at church...but I just can't do it! What am I supposed to say? How do I let everyone know without having to talk too much about it?? It makes me not want to go to church, but I know that is exactly where I need to be right now. What do I do? People are going to notice...
Thought # 3: I've always had a hard time liking my personality...it's hard to get what I REALLY want because I'm always trying to make everyone happy. My mom always said that it is a blessing to be this way...but, wow, it's so hard sometimes! It seems like I am always getting hurt. I just LOVE too much! Bet you didn't know that was possible? I feel for everyone...even the people who do awful things. You could be so mean and wicked to me and I would still love you. Why is this a bad thing you might ask? Because, it leaves me crying all the time and never doing what's best for myself. It's a bitter-sweet blessing/curse I guess? I think it just goes with being a women. I think we ALL have at least a little bit of this in us. We love and love to be loved...
5 comments:
I don't know if this will help or not, but I thought I'd tell you what our ward has done since we've had a few sisters lose babies this year. The RS president briefly got up in opening exercises and just said that Sister So-and-So lost her baby last week. And while she really appreciates our support, she's not quite ready to talk about it yet and to please keep her in our prayers. Usually the sister wasn't there. I'm sure your RS president would be more than happy to do the same for you and you could conveniently be helping in primary or go home early that Sunday if it would make it any easier. I hope that was helpful. I know there's no easy way and I'm so sorry it has to be so painful after all you've already been through!
I was going to say the exact same thing as Stevie Kay. We had a sister loose a baby this year and the Relief Society President got up and let us know in Relief Society. She told us that she didn't want to be contacted or talk about it. We could write notes to her and give them to the Presidency and then they would deliver them to her. I know it is hard to have a public announcement, but then at least everybody would know. Just leave early that Sunday. Don't worry, the sisters will be sensitive and will (or they should) respect your wishes. If you need to, give me your Relief Society Presidents email, I'll let her know for you.
Glad nothing happened in NY yesterday. And I think the ideas about having the RS prez makeou have an announcement are good idea. And you said you were supposed to call her, right? :o)
Have you ever read "The Secret Life of Bees?" I highly recommend it. You talking about loving too much made me think of a character in that book. She couldn't even watch the news because she would just break into sobs. She took everyone's pain as her own. Not that I think you're quite to that extreme...but maybe a bit similar. I also think that going through tough times also makes us more empathetic to other's pain and problems. Empathy leads to charity.
Sarah, I had the same thoughts as some of the previous comments. When Brenda Pasket was RS president and I lost our baby. I wrote a letter to her and asked her to read it and I didn't go to RS. You don't even have to go through retelling it. Just have Tom copy your blog pg or make a brief announcement to be read. When you heal more emotionally you may if you chose relate your story to those who come into your life if so promted to do so or forever keep it confidential.
I too love too much and it keeps me upset a lot. I have seen others who can't show that love and emotion to others and would hate to be that kind of person. I have had ulcers since I was 11 yrs old and have questioned God on many an occasion. It really isn't a curse, but a blessing bestowed upon you to be shared with those whom you associate with in life. It does make the trials harder, but one day ( not today or maybe even tomorrow) it will make you stronger. Remember that every day you had your baby and it's sweet spirit inside was a miracle. You could have had less time with this little one and Heavenly Father gave you far more than what was considered normal. I want you to look at another perspective for me okay? We know that all we are required to do is to gain a body be perfected and return to Heavenly Father. This child was so perfect in spirit that he/she never had to taste the cruelty of humanity. You were able to feel this child's spirit and to bond. Only someone very special could carry such a child. You are one of the most spiritual daughters of God I know. Don't ever doubt that you could have done more, been better. You were the best choice for this child. He or she chose you! Just as Mary was chosen to carry our Savior Jesus Christ. She too endured much pain because she was so righteous and special. Don't try to stop being so loving and caring, it is who God made you to be and I can't imagine this world without our Sarah just as God intended you to be. You are precious, honored and we love you!
Also, no you will never be the Sarah you were before. This will forever change you. You will be even more sensitive, compassionate, loving, and more observant of how precious life is than ever before. You will be a light on a hill to helf others who have and will have to go through similar experiences. You have already touched so many hearts by sharing your experience. Write every thought down somewhere. The more you let it out instead of holding it in the better you will feel. You don't have to share it with anyone or you can share it with whomever. Just don't bottle the emotions in or you'll bust. It is okay to grieve, cry, scream, love, be angry, and be understanding. There is no right emotion.....just your true emotion, whatever may come. You are never alone!
I just wanted to tell you I love you just the way you are. You are a great blessing to those you know now and to those you'll meet. It's impossible to understand why hard things happen and so hard to trust in Heavenly Father's plan. Just try to turn to him in all you do and he will comfort you. I will never know how you feel, but I want you to know that I am here for you if you ever want to talk. Here's a *hug*!
Love ya!
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